


Hung The Moon

by Fishyz9



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-24 16:18:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/941999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fishyz9/pseuds/Fishyz9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will has a thing for Sonny. Sonny notices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hung The Moon

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Inspired by a prompt from beautifulhigh, so it’s her fault. Also, FUCK IT.

** Hung The Moon. **

                                                      

You know when people say that even in a crowded room, they feel alone? Well, that’s me. I’m at Horton Town Square with my friends, and there’s music, laughter, beer pong…but I couldn’t be any more miserable if I tried.

I’m miserable because I can’t make myself look in his direction, and it isn’t easy, not when I like him so damn much. He is the _best_ guy; I mean one of the _best_. He’s a goof, he’s smart and he’s fun. Not to mention _ridiculously_ loyal; I mean I’ve never actually met someone who would quite literally walk through fire for any one of his friends. It’s not only an admirable quality, it’s an attractive one, but Will Horton is simply a no go area for me.

I’m not going to lie, when Abby first introduced us I felt my whole _body_ stutter. But as I got to know him, as I began to suspect what I now know is true, that attraction I felt slowly morphed into this fierce protectiveness. I made myself a promise long ago, back when Will stood between his childhood friend of years, and me―someone he’d only known a short while―and defended me like it was his sole purpose in life to do so. I promised myself that I would look out for him when the time came.

The time came.

The good news is that he’s out of the closet; the bad news is that it wasn’t by choice, but that’s another story. It was rough for him, but I was resolute and almost desperate in my need to see him through it.

I think he’s good now; he seems more settled as he slowly finds his way. No guys yet, and as hypocritical as it sounds, I’m not looking forward to when that happens, but he’s… _happier_. He isn’t hiding anymore and the weight has visibly lifted from his shoulders. He laughs more now, too. And he communicates with his folks (after a rough start), and is more like the Will I first met now than before, only more free.

It’s good to see, he’s the sweetest dude, he really is. Brave, too, and there’s no one else I’d like to see blissfully happy than him, but I can’t be that guy for him. Yes, it’s more than tempting, but there’s a reason he looks at me the way he does, and he’ll eventually get over it. I’m done with pouring myself into other people, filling them, and then watching them walk away while I stand there empty. And I know it would never be something intentional with him, but it could happen.

I’m only a few years older, but I am _light years_ ahead of him in this game. I know exactly why he looks at me like that―like I hung the freakin’ moon. I’m the person that ticked that box for him. I gave him the nod. I brought the secret he refused to think about to the forefront of his mind, and I did it just by being around him. Now he’s happy, now he feels lighter and more like himself than ever before, and he associates every bit of that with me.

I don’t know if I’ll ever stop being the light at the end of his tunnel, but I hope so, because it hurts to have someone look at you like that and have to assume it’s just a phase. And there’s no getting angry with him because not one bit of it is deliberate, he is just the most forthright and earnest guy, he really is.

I tried my best to put distance between us without hurting him, but it wasn’t easy. He’s just so goddamn comfortable around me that it’d be funny if it wasn’t so frustrating.

When I say comfortable…he has this thing about _space_. He tends to shy away from other people. He’s a friendly guy by nature, don’t get me wrong, but trust does not come easily to him. With him it’s something that has to be earned, so his distances himself―if only for a little while― and physically if not emotionally. He always takes the seat across from you. He’ll shake your hand before he entertains the idea of hugging you, and forget about holding eye contact with him for more than is necessary.

Now, with me? He’ll quite happily fall asleep, resting his head on my shoulder. No really, he’s done that. He’ll always take the seat next to me when all others are free. He’ll sling his arm around my shoulder. He knows my coffee order and my favorite _everything_. And when I talk to him? It’s like I’m the only person in the room, and that’s a special feeling, it really is. He’ll look only at me, and instead of just listening, he’ll wait, and then he’ll ask for more, he’ll prompt me to keep going because _he wants to know._

It’s difficult to not let myself enjoy his attention as much as I want to, so I just take the compliment, I treasure the knowledge that I am _that_ important of a friend to him, and nothing more. But then he went and shifted gears on me. He started to hang around the coffee house after closing hour, seemingly to just help me clear up. He texts me all the time and I am the one person he wants to do absolutely everything with. It’s not as if I feel stifled by him, in fact I would happily hang out with him as often as possible, and do everything he wanted to do, but not when he looks at me _like that_.

Even though I didn’t particularly enjoy trying to put distance between us, it worked up until a certain point. It happened one night at Common Grounds, we were closed, and I was cashing up...

_“Sorry, we’re closed!” I call over my shoulder, unwilling to leave my place in the ledger or even get up from the table. I frown when they knock again, and then I’m hit with mixed emotions when I realize it’s probably Will._

_On the one hand, I haven’t seen him in a few days (having avoided his texts and conveniently been busy with paper work in the office when he’s stopped by) and I just…I just kind of miss him, alright? I miss my dorky, sarcastic, and cute-as-hell friend. But on the other hand…it’s taken so much effort to avoid him; I don’t want it to all be for nothing by falling back in to old habits just because I have the Will Horton blues._

_“Sonny?”_

_Well apparently it’s a non-issue, because that isn’t Will’s voice. I push back my chair and walk to the front of the coffee house, looking between the blinds. It’s Neil._

_I open up, more than a little perplexed at his presence. “Neil, what’s up, man?”_

_“Hey,” he says, rubbing his hands together absently, looking behind me._

_For some stupid reason I do the same. “Uh, it’s just me. Something going on?”_

_It’s not that I mind that he’s here; it’s just a little odd. We’re friends, or our friends are friends…I’m not sure, but we’re not exactly close. And just lately whenever we’re in the same space, there’s been this odd tension between us, but I haven’t actually cared enough to try and figure it out._

_“Uh, no, no. I did want to talk to you though, if you have a sec?”_

_I step aside. “Sure thing, come on in.”_

_“Thanks.”_

_He steps through and I close the door. I watch him as he looks around the place almost warily, and I can’t help but frown; why the hell is he so uncomfortable around me lately?_

_“Can I get you a drink or something?”_

_“No, no thanks.”_

_“Neil, what’s going―”_

_“I’m here to talk about Will.”_

_I immediately push off from the counter I was leaning against. “Something’s wrong with Will?”_

_“No. Actually…kind of, yeah.”_

_“What’s going on? Is it something with his family? Is he okay?” I’m baffled by the way Neil lets out a humorless laugh and looks me up and down as if I’m something he stepped in. My eyes widen when he doesn’t answer and I take a step forward, alarmed, and snap my fingers in front of him to get his attention. “Neil! Come on, what’s going on with Will, is he―”_

_“No, Sonny. He’s not okay, and you’re the reason why.”_

_Despite his accusatory words something inside of me relaxes knowing that Will isn’t in some sort of danger or peril―no seriously, he has_ that _kind of family._

_“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”_

_He steps closer, squaring his shoulders. “Everyone thinks you’re such a good guy, but you’re not. I know better; you’re one of_ those _guys, aren’t you?”_

 _I narrow my eyes at him. “One of_ those _guys?”_

_“You don’t give a damn about Will, but you love the attention, right? You love stringing him along?”_

_I let out a disbelieving, breathless laugh. “Go to hell, Neil. Will’s my friend, one of my_ best _friends in fact, so you can just―”_

 _“Then how about you tell him that? Do the kind thing here and let him down gently, but don’t avoid him, because you’re_ hurting _him. And don’t let him think he’s got a shot either, because it isn’t fair.”_

_“Look, asshole. I haven’t done anything to lead Will on, in fact I’ve done nothing but be there for him every step of the―”_

_“That’s the problem!” Neil snaps. “You’re constantly in the picture. No one else even has a chance at getting close to him because of you.” He looks me up and down. “He’s completely and utterly wrapped up in_ you _.”_

 _Something clicks, and I tilt my head to the side, my anger receding ever so slightly. “You mean_ you _don’t have a chance…”_

 _He flushes slightly, as if only just realizing what it is he’s let slip. His shoulders slump slightly, and he backs away. “Yeah, yeah fine.” He holds his arms spread out to his sides, a ‘come at me bro’ stance before he lets them flop back down at his sides. “I have feelings for Will, feelings that go beyond friendship, but I can’t freakin’_ do _anything about it because of_ you _.”_

_Well, the weird tension between us suddenly makes sense, at least. “Why can’t you?” I ask dully. It’s not as if I didn’t know any of this, but hearing it from someone else is jarring._

_“Because he’s friend-zoned me, man.” He lets out pitiful laugh. “And guess who gets stuck listening to Will talk about you.” He points a thumb at himself. “This schmuck here.”_

_I rub the back of my neck. “Look,” I say quietly. “It’s not like I don’t know that he’s got a…a thing for me, but―”_

_“A_ thing _?” He laughs. “Oh my God.” He rubs his hands over his face. “It’s more than a_ thing _, Sonny, and you know it.”_

_“I’ve done nothing to encourage him.”_

_“You’ve done nothing to discourage him either.”_

_“That’s not true, I’ve backed off, I’ve put distance between us…”_

_“Yeah, and now I have Will asking_ me _if I think he’s done something wrong. Now I have Will looking at me with those huge, freakin’ blue eyes, begging for a clue as to why the guy he loves suddenly doesn’t want to be around him.”_

_My head snaps up. “Don’t. Don’t say that.”_

_“Say what?”_

_“It’s a_ crush _, he doesn’t―”_

_“It is so much more than a crush, Sonny.” He closes his eyes, shakes his head, and then crossed his arms over his chest. “You’ve no idea what I’d give to have Will look at me the way he looks at you.”_

_I take a step closer to him, but he tilts his chin up defiantly and I pause. “Look, Neil. I’ve just been around longer, he trusts me, that’s all. I was there from the start, I was his first gay friend and I was the one who helped him through everything―”_

_“You’re not telling me anything I haven’t heard from him.”_

_“So he’s latched on.” I shrug, but it comes off as desperate. “That’s it. Someone else will come along and he’ll forget about me, he’ll―”_

_“And how are you going to feel about that?”_

_I blink at him. “What?”_

_He presses his lips together. “You’re doing him a huge disservice to act as if this is all one-sided―to act as if you don’t feel the same way…”_

_“Oh come_ on! _”_

_He narrows his eyes at me. “What are you so afraid of, anyway?”_

_“I don’t have to listen to this crap.” I turn away from him._

_“Actually, yeah, you kind of do.”_

_I pull out my seat, turning my back to him and picking up where I left off with the ledger. “See yourself out.”_

_“What is wrong with you, Sonny?” He comes up behind me, and his arm reaches over my shoulder and slams the ledger shut. “You’ve got Will Horton, the sweetest guy in the whole―”_

_“Shut up!” He backs up quickly when I stand, pushing the chair out of my way so that it falls on its side. “I know what kind of guy he is, so don’t act like you know him better than I do!_ No one _knows Will better than me!”_

_A certain light goes out in his eyes and his shoulders slowly slump. “And there is it.” He says flatly._

_“What? What now?”_

_He lets out a heavy sigh, and his knuckles tap against one of the tables. “I’m crazy about Will, but Will’s crazy about you. I told myself if there was a chance that you might feel the same way, if I could be certain of it, then I’d back off.”_

_For a minute he looks at me like he hates me._

_“Because I want him to be happy, Sonny, even if that’s with you, and not me.”_

_“We’re just friends, Neil.” I whisper._

_“Oh yeah?” he snarls. “So you wouldn’t care if I was the one to date him? You wouldn’t care if I kissed him?” He steps closer to me, his voice dropping. “You wouldn’t care if I took him to bed?”_

_Of their own volition my hands dart out and grip the front of his shirt, my teeth gritting. He glares at me, and then shoves me away._

_“That’s what I thought.”_

_“You don’t know anything.”_

_“I know that you’re finally going to man-up, whether you like it or not.”_

_“You don’t know me like that; you don’t get to judge me.”_

_“You’re right, I don’t know you, and frankly I don’t care to. I mean what the hell is wrong with you that you’d―”_

_“Look,” I force out, my jaw clenched. “I’ve been there, I’ve done that, I have no interest in―”_

_Suddenly he’s in my face, his every word coming out a growl. “Did you really just say that? Did you really just talk about Will that way?”_

_I push him back a step and stab a finger at him. “That’s not what I meant! I just meant…I meant that…” I screw my eyes shut, and then with a growl I step away and kick one of the stools away from the counter, sending it clattering._

_“I’ve done the relationship thing! I’ve done it and it nearly finished me! So I can’t just…I can’t…” I trail off when my voice cracks. “You’ve no idea what it’s like to give someone everything you have, only to realize that you were just a stepping stone in their own personal goddamn growth!”_

_He steps around me, giving me space, but he tilts his head to one side as if straining to hear, even though I’m right there. “Is this…is this the ex you’ve mentioned?”_

_“What do you think?” I bite out. “Why do you think I even came back to Salem at all?”_

_His eyes soften as they lock onto mine. “Right…I’m sorry.”_

_I cradle my forehead in my palm._

_“Does Will know about any of this?”_

_“No one does, not even my folks.” I let out a bitter laugh. “Well, no one except_ you _.”_

_He lets out a deep sigh. “Well maybe you should have told him, instead of pretending that he’s just some kid with a crush.”_

_“I don’t see him that way; you’ve no idea how important he is to me.”_

_“Unfortunately, I think I do.”_

_We share a quiet moment, just looking at one another._

_He takes a deep breath, looking away and shoving his hands in his pockets. “Okay, I’m going to give you a heads up…” He wets his lips, and closes his eyes for a second as if it pains him to speak. “Will’s on his way over here.”_

_I stand up straight. “Excuse me?”_

_“I tried to tell him that you were probably just busy and that you weren’t avoiding him, but he’s convinced that tonight is the night…” he mutters, swallowing hard._

_I shake my head, waiting for him to continue. “And what does that mean?”_

_He lets out a pained little laugh. “He’d kill me if he knew I was―”_

_“_ Neil! _”_

_He looks at me, gives me a sad smile. “He’s tried so many times to ask you out.”_

_I feel a lump form in my throat. And here I’d thought it was just a matter of spending too much time together…_

_“And don’t mistake the concert tickets he’ll have in his hands for a casual date. He wants to be your boyfriend, Sonny.”_

_“Oh God” I close my eyes. “I’m not…I’m not ready for this…”_

_“Well_ get _ready.” He looks at his wrist watch. “He knows that you close at ten and that you leave around twelve, so he’ll probably be here soon. I should go…”_

_“Wait…uh…” I don’t even know. I don’t even know!_

_He pauses, looks at me, and something in his gaze hardens. “Do_ not _hurt him.” He points a warning finger at me. “I don’t care if_ you’ve _been hurt in the past; it’s not an excuse to treat other people the same way. You either let yourself be happy, or you man-up and tell him you’re not interested so that he can move on. But don’t hurt him, he deserves better than that.” He begins to walk away, and then pauses; he turns his body slightly in my direction, and says quietly... “And maybe you do too.”_

_He leaves without another word, and I’m left there practically hyperventilating. I contemplate just leaving, I can’t talk to Will if I’m not here….but then I picture him standing outside of the coffee house, all alone, tapping on the window, and something inside of me crumbles._

_Why couldn’t Will just be A-sexual? That way he wouldn’t want me, and I wouldn’t have to see him with anyone else. I’m so frazzled that a ridiculous and high pitched laugh leaves my lips, but seconds later my head is in my hands._

_There’s a tap at the door._

_Not yet, not yet, not yet._

_“Sonny?”_

_“Shit,” I whisper to myself, and then louder: “It’s open.”_

_Will comes in, and the first thing I notice is how instant his smile is when his eyes land on me, and how good it is to actually see him. The second thing I notice is how smart he looks. He’s forgone his Vans for a pair of shoes; he’s wearing dark jeans, a pressed shirt and jacket._

_He’s actually dressed formally to ask me out._

_“Hey, you” he says softly. “I haven’t seen you around all that much lately.”_

_“Yeah, I…I know, I’m sorry. Work’s been…you know.”_

_He nods and then lifts one shoulder. “That’s cool; I guess that’s to be expected when you own your own business.”_

_“I guess so.”_

_There’s an awkward silence between us, and it’s not something I’m used to when I’m with Will. “I was, uh, I was just going to close up…”_

_He blinks in surprise and then glances at the clock on the wall behind me. “Oh, I’m sorry, I…you usually hang around a little later than this. I wouldn’t have bothered you if―”_

_“You don’t bother me, Will.” I say gently before I can stop myself. I clear my throat. “But I was just about to take off, so…”_

_“Uh…okay, cool. Can…can you stay just a little longer?”_

_Shit. Shit. Shit. “I’m really kind of tired, Will.” I stand, walking behind the counter to look busy. I glance behind me when I realize that’s he’s followed me._

_“Just one minute?”_

_I lean against the counter. “Sure,” I say with a sinking feeling in my gut._

_He smiles. “Okay,” he whispers, more to himself than me. He reaches into his pocket, and sure enough, he pulls out what looks like tickets. “I uh…I have―wait,” he bends down quickly to pick up the ticket he just dropped, and when he looks at me again he’s blushing. “Whoops.” I see his throat bob as he swallows. “So anyway…”_

_“Will…” I whisper._

_“I have two tickets to Foster The People―your favorite band, right?”_

_I don’t answer, but he doesn’t seem to mind._

_He takes a step closer. “I was wondering…would you like to go with me?”_

_“Will…”_

_“I could pick you up and…and maybe we could grab a bite to eat first?”_

_“I don’t...I don’t think―”_

_“This new Thai place just opened up not too far away, I know you like Thai, so―”_

_“I can’t, I can’t go.” I force out._

_He blinks at me in surprise, his smile faltering slightly as he looks down at the tickets he’s holding in his hands and then back at me. “B-but I didn’t tell you when it was.”_

_I clear my throat, trying desperately to look anywhere but at him. “No, I know. It’s just with this place, I’m …I’m so run off my feet lately.” I grasp for another excuse,_ any _excuse. “And to be honest…I don’t really like that band anymore.” I lie, and it’s lame, and we both know it._

_He looks at the tickets again, and then he quickly shoves them into his pocket. “That’s…that’s cool. I mean we could just go for something to eat, or…or maybe do something else…”_

_“Will, I’m just so busy right now with work and everything, maybe…maybe another time, okay?” I try to move past him but he quickly moves to try and block me._

_“Sonny,” he whispers, pink spreading up his neck and into his cheeks. “I was…” He lets out a small, embarrassed laugh. “I’m trying to ask if …if you’d like to go out with me. O-on a date” he says, choking out the words and then smiling shakily when they’re finally out there._

_He looks so vulnerable that I just want to hold him, instead, I say: “I know.” As gently as I can._

_His smile slowly slides away. “You…you know?”_

_I reach out to rub his arm. “Will…”_

_He blinks a few times, his eyes widening. Blue eyes slowly fill with disappointment and mortification, and he drops his gaze. “Oh” he whispers._

_“I’m sorry, Will. It’s not that I don’t―”_

_“Oh God.” He squeezes his eyes shut._

_“Will,” I squeeze his hand. “It’s okay. You know, I think it’s just that we spend so much time together. As soon as you meet someone else―”_

_“But I want_ you _” he gasps out, his eyebrows arching sadly. “I want you like I never wanted anything else in my life.”_

_I can’t hold his gaze; I can’t look at him this close when he’s so wounded. “Will, no. No you don’t.”_

_He shakes his head in pure denial. “I just…I went about this the wrong way. I…” He tugs at the lapels of his jacket, annoyed at himself, and then shakes his head again. “I just need a do-over.” He tries to smile, to make light of it. “It was too much, right? I can totally tone it down.”_

_“Will, don’t…” I say softly._

_He bites his lip, and his gaze darts around him almost desperately as he reaches for something to save the situation. His eyes go wide when he suddenly thinks of something. “Rock climbing! Let’s go rock climbing!”_

_I close my eyes, and I suddenly hate myself for not putting a stop to this sooner._

_“We could go on a rock climbing date or…” he wets his lips quickly. “Or kayaking or…just anything…” He trails off quietly. “Anything as long as you’re there.”_

_I should have listened to Neil. “I’m sorry, Will. You’re my friend and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.”_

_He watches me, looking utterly rejected. “But I love you” he whispers._

_I squeeze my eyes shut, and all I can think is what a beautiful thing that is to say to someone. “I’m sorry, Will.”_

_“I said I love you,” he croaks out. He takes a deep breath and lets it out harshly. “I love you” he says a touch louder. “Will Horton loves Sonny Kiriakis!” He says with shaky laugh that is devoid of humor._

_I swallow hard when his fingertips brush my chin. I close my eyes because as soon as I open them I’m going to have to push him away, and it’s going to hurt like hell._

_“And I think you feel the same way,” he says, but the tremble in his voice contradicts any confidence in his words. “It can’t all be in my head.”_

_“You’re my friend, Will.” I say quietly, wishing he would take a step back._

_“I’m more than that, I have to be.”_

_I finally open my eyes, and when I do, I realize I’m a second away from giving in. It’s a familiar feeling that I now only associate with pain. The second he looks at my lips, I know what he’s about to do._

_I quickly pull my chin way, taking his hand in mine and lowering it. “Will, no.”_

_Blue eyes, piercing and glistening look into mine, and then back down to my lips. His lower lip trembles slightly and he edges closer again. “Can I?” He whispers, breathless. “Please kiss me?”_

_He moves in to kiss me, and acting on instinct I push him away. It’s a gentle shove, just enough to get his attention and to put some space between us, but he bumps into the counter behind him. The look he gives me is a mixture of hurt and bewilderment. I may as well have punched him in the gut._

_I’m immediately contrite and reach out for him, but he backs away from me, knocking into one of the chairs. “Will…”_

_“I’m sorry,” he says, unable to look me in the eye. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m…I’ll go.”_

_“Will, wait…”_

_But even as I move after him he’s already at the door, and then he’s gone._

That was a week ago, and in that time I have not seen him or spoken to him. I haven’t gone out of my way to avoid him this time around because I haven’t had to. He doesn’t text, he doesn’t drop by the coffee house, and though I was trying to distance myself from him before, this wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want this _at all_.

I miss him like hell. I miss my friend and I’m terrified that he’s too hurt to ever talk to me again. I hate that he’s hurt at all, and I hate even more that I’m the reason for it.

He’s here tonight; I haven’t actually had the courage to go over to him because the one time our eyes did accidentally meet, it was like…it was like crossing freakin’ proton streams. Both of us stood still, I’m pretty sure we weren’t breathing, and just as I was about to say something he turned and disappeared into the small gathering of people. And now I’m too shamed to go after him.

This party isn’t fun.

I’m not fun.

“Sonny?”

I turn around at the sound of my name and instantly stand from where I’d been leaning against a low wall, ready to walk away. “I don’t want to hear it, Neil. I feel shitty enough.”

“Hang on.” He moves to stand in front of me, blocking my path. “Just hang on a second.”

“I’m a coward, right? That’s what you’re going to say, isn’t it? I’m a coward and crappy friend and I hurt the sweetest guy in the whole world and―”

“Will you shut up for a second?” He huffs out a breath and shoves his hands into his pockets. “I need you to go fix this with Will.”

It’s only then that I notice how miserable _he_ looks. “Easier said than done, Neil. He won’t even look at me.”

“Yeah? Well that makes two of us.”

“What? What the hell did _you_ do?”

He clenches his jaw, and lifts one shoulder guiltily. “I made the mistake of bad mouthing _you_.”

I lift an eyebrow at him, and he glares.

“Look, if Will had shown up on your doorstep, close to tears and babbling about making a total idiot of himself, then you’d have a few choice words for you to.” He frowns. “If that makes sense?”

I groan. “Yeah, yeah it does.”

He steps closer and dips his head slightly to catch my eye, I kind of hate that he’s taller than me. His voice is lower when he speaks, not angry, but…private. “What happened to that talk we had? What happened to you not hurting him?”

“I did what you told me, I took the chicken shit way out, but I tried to let him down gently.”

He presses his lips together unhappily. “Wrong choice.”

I swallow, unwilling to say out loud that I know he’s right. Nothing’s changed. The idea of a relationship and letting myself feel vulnerable to another person still makes me feel ill, but I didn’t know this would be the alternative.

“Now go fix it.”

“Didn’t you hear me? He won’t speak to me.”

“Have you _tried_ talking to him?”

I say nothing, and he flings his arms out to his sides in exasperation and rolls his eyes. “Are you _shitting_ me?” He whispers harshly.

“I can’t do anything right, Neil! Nothing I do is right when it comes to Will! He’s just…just this guy that messes with my head!”

“He’s not like that; all he’s ever done is like you, _more_ than like you.”

“No…” I run my hands roughly through my hair in frustration. “He’s just…he’s different, you know? He’s just different from everyone else and there’s no acting like he’s not. There’s no ignoring how he makes you feel,” I look at Neil, feeling utterly empty. “You know what I’m talking about.”

His eyes drop to the ground, and he presses his lips together in an unhappy line. “Yeah, I do.”

“Well then―”

“Except he loves you and he doesn’t love me. So get over yourself.”

I feel my hackles rise. “I wish you would stop simplifying something that is very complicated.”

He steps closer, crowding me. “No, you know what? It’s really not. What it comes down to is that you want each other, so work through your issues already and go find him, because he’s not talking to me right now and I don’t know how to get that _jerk_ away from him!”

That pulls me up short. “What jerk?” I feel what must be the beginnings of panic. “Are you telling me that some guy is…what? _Hitting_ on him?”

“Don’t seem so surprised, Sonny, it was going to happen soon or later. Problem is he’s feeling a little rejected at the moment and has apparently lowered his standards.” He practically spits out at me.

“ _Who’s the guy_?”

“I don’t know, Tyler something. Matteo knows him; apparently he’s a real douche, you know…not exactly a _gentleman?”_

“And you just let Will―”

“Hey!” He growls. “Let’s not forget _why_ Will isn’t exactly himself at the minute, huh?”

“Aright,” I run my hands over my face. “Where is he? Tell me right now.”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs miserably. “Last I saw they took off together through the square. I tried to talk to him, but he didn’t want to know, man.”

“ _Shit_ ” I mutter, heading off towards the square and ignoring whatever Neil was saying behind me.

I look everywhere, literally _everywhere_ , and with a sinking feeling in my stomach I realize that I am not going to find him. Without knowing what the hell I’m going to say, I breakdown and called his cell.

No answer.

I try to not go there. I try to not think about all the things I did when I felt worthless and heartbroken―how I threw myself around and disrespected my body. I got it under control after a while, thanks to a few good friends, and thank god that I wasn’t so reckless that I endangered my health. But when I think back to that short, bleak period, I feel empty.

I think about it anyway, and then I think about Will feeling that way, and I feel sick. I’m too afraid to imagine what he might be doing right now. I search for him for a good hour, and finally, with what feels like a ball of lead in my stomach, I give up and go home.

I’m digging in my pocket for my keys and don’t even see him until I’m almost on top of him. “Will?”

He pushes himself up from where he’s sat with his back against my door. “Hey,” he whispers. “I’m sorry that I just came over. I know you probably don’t want to see me, but…”

He wets his lips, and it’s then that I notice the cut on his lip. “Shit” I whisper, my hand reaching for his chin. My thumb gently brushes the corner of his lip. He doesn’t even flinch.

“I’ve had a bad night.” He looks me in the eye, swallows hard and asks: “can I _please_ come in?”

I can’t even answer him; I just pull him into my arms with a whisper of his name. “You had me so worried.”

It takes him a second, but he relaxes against me, sinking into my arms. I squeeze him close for a moment and then rub his back before pulling back a fraction, my hands resting on his waist. “Come on.”

I unlock my door, and then with a gentle tug of his hand I pull him into my apartment and order him to sit on the edge of my bed.

He shoulders off his jacket slowly, as if he’s bruised or pulled a muscle. “What are you doing?”

I move the clutter aside in a kitchen cabinet, frustrated. “Looking for antiseptic.”

“Oh for―it’s a split lip, I’m fine.”

“I don’t care.”

“ _I_ do.” He slaps his jacket down beside him, his shoulders slumped and resigned. “You’re as bad as Neil” he mutters.

That gets my attention. I even chuckle a little bit. “I’m _what_? Please explain to me how I’m like _Neil_ , of all people?” I crouch in front of him, uncapping the antiseptic, but his hand covers mine and I look up at him.

“I get that you’re both older, more mature, you’ve been _gay_ longer, but I’m not a kid and it’s insulting that you both treat me like one.”

“We don’t…I don’t…”

“Oh you don’t?’ He asks softly. “I asked you out, and yeah, I stammered and acted desperate and basically humiliated myself―”

I lay my hand over his knee. “Will, you didn’t―”

“It’s not that I’m mad you said no. Disappointed, yes. Crushed, maybe. But you’re allowed to not feel the same way. And I’m sorry that I got pushy and acted like a jerk―”

“No, no you didn’t―” But he’s not letting me get a word in.

“―But what was your reason for saying no?” He looks at me sadly and lifts one shoulder dejectedly. “Apparently I don’t know my own mind; apparently I’m just so young and naive and have some dumb crush on you because I spend too much _time_ with you.” He presses his lips together unhappily, and then whispers: “You couldn’t just say no.”

“I never meant to make you feel that way.”

He watches me, glances at my lips and just as quickly looks away, down at his hands. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“What…” he says quietly. “What do you see when you look at me?”

I move from my crouched position and sit beside him on the bed. “What do I see?” I give him a soft smile and gently nudge my shoulder against his. “I see you. I see the wonderful Will Horton.”

He doesn’t smile. “Do you see a man?”

I feel my smile melt away. “What?”

“Do you look at me and see a _man_? Not some boy who befriended you and follows you around like a _puppy_ , but a man who’s attracted to other men. A man who…” He breaks off for a moment, losing courage, but then continues, his voice barely above a whisper. “A man who can’t stop thinking about you. A man who thinks about you in way that is not appropriate between friends.”

He watches me, waiting for a reply, and my mouth works as I try to think of something to say, but I’m too caught off guard, too overwhelmed. Eventually he lowers his gaze, looks away, and it’s like he’s being hit by my rejection all over again.

“I guess that’s my answer.”

“That’s not fair, Will. Up until a week ago you’ve only ever been my friend and nothing more, I can’t just switch gears like that, there’s…there’s too much. I’m too much inside of my own head…”

“You don’t have to explain. In fact why don’t forget about today all together?”

“I can’t do that.”

“I wish you’d try, that’s what I’m going to do.”  He gingerly touches his lip, and sighs.

“I want to know about that, by the way.” I say firmly, meaning his split lip.

“There’s nothing to know.”

“Will―”

“He didn’t like it when I changed my mind, okay?”

“That son of a bitch!”

“Relax, Sonny. I’m fine.”

“That’s beside the point! Who the hell does he think he is? Just going around looking for young guys who―”

“And there you go again!” He stands, pacing away from me and running his hands through his hair. “You sound just like Neil!”

“What…I’m not allowed to worry about you?”

“Yes, but if you’re going to worry, do it from the standpoint of an equal. It’s nice that you want to look out for me, but do it as a friend, I don’t need a minder.”

I open my mouth to argue, and then snap it shit again. “I’m sorry,” I say quietly. “I’m just…I can’t help feeling protective of you.”

“You’re not like that with anyone else.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want you to think of me as your little brother.”

“I _don’t_ , trust me. “ I toy with a loose thread over my knee in my jeans. “I think of you as my friend, and as…as Will. Just something―some _one_ completely separate from everyone else.” I look at him. “I don’t understand my feelings for you, Will. But…there _are_ feelings; it isn’t all just in your head.”

He watches me warily, as if he’s afraid of scaring me off or getting his hopes up. “Feelings?” He asks quietly.

I pat the spot on the bed beside me, and he sits beside me. “Two things.” I begin. “One, go easy on Neil.”

He blinks at me. “That’s…that’s not what I expected you to say.”

I shrug. “Neil and I, we’re not the closest of friends, so you’ll know that I mean it when I say he’s a good guy. If you can forgive me then you can certainly forgive him.”

“Okay. What’s the other thing?”

I take a deep breath. “Two, I’m…I’m terrified of hurting you, and of completely…” I heave a heavy sigh. “I don’t want to get lost again.”

“Lost?” He asks carefully.

“I’ve been in love before, Will, and it turned into something dreadful. I felt used and empty at the end of it and I just…I haven’t the tenacity to go through that kind of thing again.”

“You think I could ever hurt you?”

“Not deliberately.”

“What exactly did this ex-boyfriend do to you?”

I shrug. “He moved on, that’s all. I helped him through some stuff…”

“What kind of stuff?”

I look at him. “Personal stuff, like coming out of the closet, family issues, that kind of thing…”

“Okay,” Will says quietly, scratching the side of his cheek. “That’s sounding a little familiar.”

“And then we dated. I fell in love. He fell in deep, passionate _like_.”

“That’s not possible,” he says softly. “How is it possible to not love you back?”

“He wasn’t a bad guy, Will. And maybe it was my own fault for pouring so much of myself into him, but when it ended…I don’t know. It’s like he took all the good parts of me with him.”

“So…” he bites his lip, and then his hand reaches for mine and he holds it in both of his, entwining our fingers. “You think that I just want to test the waters with you? That I just want to see what it’s like to have a boyfriend, to get a taste for it and then move on?”

I pull my hand away. “It’s insulting, irrational and dumb, I know. I’m sorry.”

“I’m kind of screwed here, Sonny.” He laughs sadly. “There’s literally nothing I can say or do to prove otherwise to you.”

I heave a heavy sigh and get up and pace away from him. “You don’t want to be with me Will; you don’t want to get mixed up with what’s going on in my head. It’s madder than a bag of cats up there.”

Despite the seriousness of our conversation he snorts at that and looks away to hide his smile. “I’ve got you beat there, Kiriakis, so don’t _even_.”

I lean back against my kitchen table and cross my arms; I can’t help but crack a small smile. We grow quiet for a few moments, but it’s the nice, comfortable quiet that I’ve always enjoyed with Will. He presses his hands to his knees and stands.

“Tell me something, you said there were feelings…” he edges, walking up to me.

“Yes,” I admit cautiously.

“Are you attracted to me?”

I look away. “Come on, Will…”

“I’m not going to be hurt if you say no.”

I look back at him and raise an eyebrow, and the corner of his mouth lifts in small smile.

“Alright, I’ll be a _little_ hurt, but you can be honest―”

“I’m attracted to you.” I admit, and blue eyes watch me hopefully, vulnerability steeling back in to them. “I am very attracted to you, Will. Always have been.”

“So, if you care for me, feel protective of me, and you’re attracted to me…” He says as he comes to a halt right in front of me.

“It doesn’t change the fact that I don’t feel right yet.” I tap my finger to my temple. “In here, it’s just messing everything else up.”

He takes my hand, pulling it away from my temple, and presses it against my chest. “And here?”

I wet my lips, feeling a little breathless. I’m not used to him being like this with me―not used to him demanding answers, or anything else from me. “That’s where you make everything go haywire.” I whisper.

He lets his hand slide away from my chest, and looks me in the eye, sterling blue pinning me in place, as if he’s coming to some decision. Finally, he tilts his head, and then lets out a sigh.

“Okay,” he whispers. He glances away, and then touches his lip. “Here’s how it is. This?” He says, brushing his thumb against the swollen corner of his lip. “This is not my first real kiss; this is just a mistake I made, and nothing more.”

“Will?”

“My first kiss belongs to you. My first everything belongs to you.”

I shake my head, “I told you that I’m not―”

“You’re not ready.” He nods his head. “And that’s okay; it’ll take as long as it takes, but you’re going to see just how loyal I can be. You’re going to see how patient I am. You’re going to see how worth the wait you are, because you’re _it_ for me _,_ Sonny.” He shrugs. “It’s already done. I want you and that’s it.”

He looks at me like _that_ again, like I hung the moon, and it’s terrifying, but it’s fortifying, too. Will Horton is going to wait for me.

He leans close, his eyes dropping to my lips, and my breath catches. If he kisses me now, I’m not sure I’d try to stop him.

“But until then, Sonny, I’m just going to love you quietly, and I’m going to be the best friend you ever had.”

His hand brushes my cheek, and then I close my eyes when I feel his lips brush where his knuckles were only a moment before. He touches his forehead to mine, and I can’t make myself open my eyes.

“I’m going to leave,” he whispers.

He moves away, and I only open my eyes when I feel the empty space in front of me. He snags up his jacket, walks back over to me and pulls me into a hug.

“I thought you were having a bad night?” I croak out.

“Turns out it’s not so bad after all.” He pulls away and walks over to the door, pulling it open. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? No more ignoring each other, I hate that.”

I nod helplessly. “Okay.”

“See you soon.”

And he’s gone.

Nothing’s changed. I’m the same messed up, damaged person I was before tonight, only…Will Horton has done something to that empty space I’ve been carrying around inside of me for what feels like the longest time.

In its place, like a blinking star in a dark sky, he’s left a spark of hope.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
